The Not So Final Goodbye
by thedevilnamedtownley
Summary: Sherlock knows its time. Time to say goodbye. His final goodbye to the one he loves but doesnt love him. Or so he thought. Warning ( Attempting Suicide )
1. Chapter 1

" It doesn't have to be this way Sherlock."

Sherlock scoffs and motions to the door. " John please leave."

" And what If I don't?"

Sherlock looks directly into the ex-soldier's blue eyes. " John, you love her. I know right now it seems as if she is the enemy But trust me when I say this. Mary shot me to save my life. I would never tell you to go back to someone who put me at risk."

John looks at him with a doubtful expression. " I just don't know Sherlock..."

Sherlock rolls his eyes " Oh John please, Had I ever not spoken up when any of your girlfriends were clearly bad news?"

John shakes his head but doesn't speak.

" Exactly. Mary must be a keeper if I'm sitting here on my death bed telling you to stay with her." Sherlock coughs in pain.

John frowns at the cough and goess to grip his hand, to which Sherlock moves away. " Please John,just go and see your wife."

John shakes his head. He doesn't want to go. " No."

Sherlock groans in frustration,closing his eyes. "Oh for gods sake John. Do not make me call security."

John frowns deeply and looks into Sherlock eyes, clearly upset and hurt at his words. And just as quick as the look appeared on his face, it was gone. He gets up and despite Sherlock not wanting any attention, John hugs him quickly and mutters " I'm glad your okay Sherlock."

Sherlock swallows roughly as John leaves, letting a huge sigh escape his lips once he's gone. Sherlock had never had as much trouble saying something as he did just then. He tells himself that the pain and heartache he is currently feeling is for the best. For his John to be happy. That's all he ever wanted.

* * *

Mary sighs. " John, you can't just give up on him."

John turns and looks at his soon to be ex-wife and looks at her frustrated. " I'm not giving up on him! "

Mary pats the seat beside her, motioning for John to sit down. She waits until he sits down before speaking. " Your not fighting for him. You should be sitting in the hospital with him then with your ex-wife."

" and the mother of my baby."

she rolls her eyes. " You and I both know that doesn't change anything."

" How can you be so okay with this? I mean. You were my wife. we had a life together before he came back."

she smiles sadly." John I always knew you loved him. I was willing to over look it. But then he came back and I knew that moment I was only borrowing you for a time then you were going back to him."

John sighs defeated. " Doesn't seem that way anymore Mary. He wants me and you to stay together."

" Only because he doesn't know you want him. He doesn't know we aren't together anymore. You need to tell him."

John bites his lip and tries not to cry. Mary notices this and wraps her arm around his shoulder and pulls him into a tight hug. "It's gunna be okay."

" God. I hope so. I just want him back." He chokes up.

" I know so. You love each other too much to not make it through this together." Mary silently vows to make sure Sherlock and John fix things. They deserve each other and no matter what it takes Mary is not going to let things slide this time.

* * *

Sherlock sits on the bathroom floor of 221B Baker Street, thinking about his life with John. Going over every part of the days they spent together. The cases, the meals. the company. He looks down at the folded piece of paper in his hand. Biting his lip he wonders how John is going to react to what is on that peice of paper. Would he cringe and throw it away? or would he actually care and cry about it? Sherlock shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. It doesn't matter what John does because it will be too late. He cannot continue his life this way He loves John Hamish Watson with every single cell of his being and he knows that John cares about him on a level that is past friendship but John is married, expecting a baby. Sherlock refuses to be home wrecker. He isn't worth John's love. He isn't worth anything anymore.

He takes a breath and picks up the razor and starts to dig into his wrists vertically. He runs the razor down the length of his forearm repeatedly,Only slightly wincing at the pain. Sherlock digs deep into his skin then switches to the other arm and repeats the motion. He looks down at the blood loss and sighs, feeling strangly content with the realization that this is it. He just needs to make one more cut and this will be the end of the suffering for them all. He looks at the razor and takes a shaky breath before engraving the initials J.W. on his wrist. Sherlock starts to sob, He loves John so much and he knows at first this is going to hurt John extremely. He wishes John didn't have to feel pain because of him but in the long run it will be worth it.

He whispers to the empty flat " I'm sorry John, "

Sherlock drops the razor onto the tub's edge. Leaning his head against the side of the tub, he places the folded letter on his chest ,over his heart, and closes his eyes.

* * *

Mary knocks on the door to 221B and notices it isn't shut. It softly opens and she doesn't like how quiet it is, nor the feeling of something wrong. She goes through the rooms and gasps in shock seeing Sherlock unconscious on the floor. "Oh God Sherlock!" She runs to his side and dials 999.

Mary shakes him untill he starts to wake up. "Sherlock! don't you dare die on me!"

Sherlock groans"Mary.."

"Your going to be alright. An ambulance is on their way. " She quickly gets an idea after hanging up with the operator. She dials John and tells him he needs to tell Sherlock how he feels, because he tried to kill puts the phone up to Sherlocks ear.

"_God Sherlock. You need to pull through this. I love you, you idiot. Don't you dare die on me. Not again."_

"John.. I'm sorry. Its better this way."

_"DONT YOU DARE SAY THAT. I will not allow it. I need you Sherlock. We're suppost to grow old together. Raise a family. Be happy."_

"Oh John.. Thats why you have Mary."

_"No. Thats why I have you. I left her. Sherlock I meant what I said. Things don't have to be this way. I love you so fucking much. and I swear to you if you die on me I WILL FOLLOW YOU."_

Sherlock sighs shakily. Never did he expect John loved him. "Im so sorry John."

_"Don't. Fight for me Sherlock. Just fight. Don't let yourself die on me. I love you so much."_ John cries

Sherlock swallows as tears stream down his face. "I love you more then anything John Watson."

_"Promise me Sherlock."_

"John,,-"

_"NO. Just promise me okay?"_

Sherlock nods weakly. "I promise you. I'll fight for you John."

Mary lets a tear slide down her face and silently prays Sherlock makes it through this. She could hear the words John was saying and she knows that he was being honest. John would follow him into death immediately. There was no one or thing that could keep these to apart any longer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: _I want to apoligise for the lack of an update, I wrote the first chapter during one of my rougher days. When my depression gets bad, I turn to writing. Things have been getting better so this fic will most likely be turning the same. Im sorry if I disapoint any of my readers. Now On with the story :)_**

* * *

After the heartfelt phone call, Sherlock was sent to St. Bart's hospital with Mary in the ambulance and John had hopped in his car and drove to the same hospital. There had been a bit of a fuss of allowing John to know how Sherlock was doing but with the help of Mycroft Holmes the nurses were quick to inform Dr. Watson of the man's condition.

"John would you please stop the pacing? Your making my sick." Mycroft asks him, the constant movement was not agreeing with the elder Holmes brother.

John slows his pace to glare at the man pointedly. "How are you so calm? That's your brother in there fighting for his fucking life and all your concerned about is my pacing?! Well SORRY Mr. I don't care about anything But I love that man and it is tearing me to pieces to know he may not make it out alive." Tears swell up in his eyes, his voice breaking with emotion towards the end of the sentence. John really did not know what he would do if he lost Sherlock Holmes.

Mycroft swallows. "John, contrary to how things appear, I do in fact care for my little brother. I just have a better grip on my emotions. Crying over it isn't going to change what is happening. Sherlock is tough, He will make it through this. I am sure of it." Mycroft looks at him seriously.

John sighs. "I'm sorry Mycroft. I know you care. I'm just upset."

Mary takes this moment to urge John to take a seat. "John please sit down. I know your worried which I completely understand. We all are, Just try and sit down okay?"

John lets Mary guide him to an uncomfortable hospital chair. Being so exhausted from holding back his emotions, sitting down wouldn't be an entirely bad decision. "Okay.. God I can't lose him Mary. I just can't."

Mary nods and pulls him into a tight embrace, rubbing his back. "I know, and I'm sure Mycroft is right. Sherlock will make it through. He promised to fight for you remember?"

Mycroft's eyes widen at this. "Sorry to interrupt, but did you just say my brother told John he would fight? as in he spoke to John after he his suicide attempt?"

Mary nods. "Yes, I'm sorry I never fully told you what had happened. I had found Sherlock in the bathroom, which you already know, I had then called John to tell Sherlock how he felt because I knew Sherlock wouldn't find the will to fight without hearing from John himself that he did genuinely care."

Mycroft nods and for the first time since John has known him, the man smiles slightly. "Sherlock will be fine. He knows the truth and I can promise you this, there is nothing Sherlock Holmes won't do for John Watson." He then sits back in his chair and closes his eyes.

John blinks and looks at Mary whispering. "That's the first time I've ever seen him smile..."

Mary smiles and pats John's back. "Then that would mean Sherlock will pull through yeah?"

John nods slowly. " I guess so. Mycroft always sticks to the facts."

* * *

After what seemed like years, a doctor comes out of Sherlock's room. "Family of William Holmes?"

John and Mycroft quickly jump up. John going towards the doctor. "That would be us, is he going to be okay?"

The doctor not recalling seeing the blonde before, he doesn't rush to tell him of his condition. Already dealt with the Holmes family when he told the wrong person about the youngest Holmes in the past. Mycroft notices the doctor's reluctance and speaks "Doctor, its okay. Dr. Watson is my brother's partner."

Sherlock's doctor immediately relaxes. "Ah okay, You must be John, He has been asking for you since he woke up. is in stable condition, he lost alot of blood but thankfully you caught him in time and the blood infusions were able to save your partner's life."

John visibly relaxes. "Oh thank god. Can I see him?"

The doctor nods and motions to a door down the hall, John wastes no time and heads into the room, Mycroft and Mary following close behind. Before they make it to the doorway, the doctor stops them. " has been placed into a small room for the time being and due to hospital protocol only 2 visitors at a time.

Mycroft nods and gestures for Mary to head into the room. To which she polietly shakes her head. "You go ahead, he's your brother. I'm just here to support John."

Mycroft smirks. "Oh don't be absurd, My brother values you as a friend , and I know for a fact it was your quick thinking and use of your mobile that saved his life." His facial expression turning serious. "I am internally grateful for it. I also do need to make a few important phone calls, to the parents and such."

Mary smiles softly. "Please call me Mary. I just did what I knew needed to be done. Sherlock wouldn't have fought if he didn't know how John felt, and if I was the one to say it he would have thought I was lying so he wouldn't die. I provided Sherlock with the truth."

"Well Mary, thank you none the less."

Mary nods then disappears into the room where Sherlock was in. Mycroft sighs and silently thanks any and every god in the world for blessing his brother with John Watson and Mary. He composes himself and takes out his mobile, beginning to make the calls that were needed. Now that his baby brother was in the clear.


End file.
